It's been a hard month

So Christmas is here!!! It's just so different when your older. When your young you believe in the whole Santa thing. Then when you hit early teens you just don't care as long as you are getting gifts. Now that I'm almost pushing 30 the holidays are getting hard for me. I understand what the meaning of Christmas is,but it should would be nice to have a little one running around. I got my family and I'm grateful for that. But at this point in my life it hard sometimes to really enjoy the holidays. Don't get me wrong I enjoy them but it like there some things missing. I mean lets get real here for a moment,we all know Christmas isn't about giving. But kids make the holiday. To shop and wrap and put in under the tree and to see there face in the morning it just something. I've gotten to experience this with my little sister and brother but not with kids of my own. But I was hoping it was something I was going to be doing this Christmas;however I'm not. Some people just don't understand ,if your a women or man who's lost a child,not able to have kids or a pregnancy lost then I think you understand. I hope I'm not the only one feeling this way. I've been trying to shack this feeling but it is very hard and I wish that I've never had this feeling nor do I wish this on my worst enemy. I am trying to really enjoy the holidays. MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone!!!!!!!!