I might need help!!!!

I'm being to think that I might need help. I think I'm in a depression, I'm just not feeling good. At times I want to go back in time to before I got pregnant the first time,and then there is times I want to be right were I'm at. If I go back in time, my pain is gone but then I don't have my memories. And I want those memories;at times. My life is changing I don't know if it because I'm going to be 30 in 1 1/2 or because of my miscarriage's. I'm really trying to be happy but it just so hard. When I started writing this post I thought i was happy that i woke up everyday and my feet hit the floor. But now I'm wondering if that is true. I mean am I really happy or am I just going threw the motions of the day. Just thinking here. Ya I would have to say I'm semi happy but most of the time I'm just going threw the motions of the day. I just seem so broken and I need fix,but I can't so to the shop and be fix in a few hours. I have days were I don't cry at all,and then there's the ones were I wanna cry all day.

I like to have control in my life. I like controlling the people in my life. For example I have the most wonderful man in the world,he is just great. Jason will do anything for me and I mean anything to make me happy. But sometimes I can just be so nasty to him. I want to stop this,I want to be able to show him how much I love him. At times I feel like I've let him down because I haven't given him a child yet. I just don't feel like a women. Now that's the way I feel. Jason is just happy the way we are he says he don't need a child to complete us. And that when it our time god will bless us with our baby. See this is what I'm saying I have a wonderful guy.

I just wish I could get my emotions in check!!!!!! For now please keep me in your prayer's